Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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