i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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