every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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