Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
