yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
