I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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