dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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