Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize