before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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