i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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