The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
