I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
