I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
