do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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