used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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