that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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