Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
