I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm too high and old for this...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
