covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
don't judge my taste in strippers
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
