Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
