Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
