omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
