worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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