i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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