She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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