She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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