Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
