1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
