i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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