Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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