$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
