I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We need to rekindle our bromance
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
