I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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