just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
