it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
