PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
this hospital has no fireball
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
