you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
