I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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