Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
