I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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