happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
