I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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