If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
