Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
