Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
