yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
