well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
