Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
