The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
