yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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