I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
