I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
