my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
