you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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