Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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