I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
