3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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