I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
