hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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