im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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