Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
