He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
