So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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