And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
