the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
